The Ambush

So, this story takes place outdoors, on a camping trip. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Nevermind, the names have been changed, but there are no innocent. A large group of us were camping, and this kind of camping was the best kind. We were camping at a well developed campsite and had hired a camping company to set up camp, prepare meals, and clean up after us. It had everything that makes camping great: tents, campfires, and s'mores; but with things you wish you could have while you are camping: full hot meals and daily showers. So, in reality it wasn't "camping" camping, but it was still fun. Back to the story, so three of us decided that it would be really fun if we played a prank on our fellow campers. Two of us would encourage and acompany some people to go on a short hike while the third one hid in the bushes and set up an ambush for the group. When the time was right, the "ambusher" would jump out scare the life out of everyone. It was brilliant.

I volunteered to be the "ambusher" (anyone who knows me knows that I will not pass up a chance to scare someone) while my other two friends, let's call them Joe and Brandon, led the sheep to the slaughterhouse (mwhaaa-haaaa-haaa!) We agreed on a tentative route for the hikers and I told Joe and Brandon that I would make animal sounds and throw rocks near the group in the hopes that it would keep the hikers on edge. We were so excited. Joe and Brandon walked around asking, "does anyone want to go on a hike?" Once Joe and Brandon had a large enough group they started heading out on the hike. By this time the sun had started to set. The sun was already bellow the horizon, but there was still some lingering sunlight.

The group started out on their hike. I waited about five minutes and then ran down the trail. It was pretty easy to find the group. They were talking loudly and were wearing such a mix of colors that they stood out clearly from the surrounding green and brown. I maintained a distance of about 25 yards, close enough to know what was going on, but not close enough to be spotted. What I heard was a lot of complaining about wanting to go back and that it was starting to get dark. I had to set the stage for my ambush. I started throwing rocks ahead of the group and making random sounds. I could hear the hikers asking, "Did you hear that?" I kept throwing rocks and making sounds to create a tense atmosphere. At one point I realized that the group was going to turn around and head back to camp. I sprinted down the path back towards the camp. I saw an opening in some bushes next to the path. I decided that this is where I would pounce. I knelt down and waited for my unsuspecting victims.

By now it had gotten dark. I was almost certain no one would be able to see me. I could hear the group approaching my position. I was tense and excited. So much work and planning had gone into this and if I could pull this off, it would be awesome! The group was almost on top of me, it was now or never.  I jumped out onto the path, let out a roar, and waved my hands in the air. I could tell I startled some of the group, but there was one individual who, in their attempt to flee, had fallen on their back. It was Joe! No one else in the group was as scared as Joe. I asked if I had scared anyone and they informed that they had figured out that my "animal noises" were not from animals, but from a person. They had been expecting something. I approached Joe and asked him why he had been so frightened. He, of all people, should not have been scared, he knew I was going to jump out at some point. He explained that from the moment the group started on the hike he had been expecting me to scare them. As the hike continued and I still hadn't jumped out, Joe began to get nervous. The longer I waited to jump the more he got anxious. He said the suspense had been killing him. He knew I was going to pounce, but he didn't know when. In Joe's mind, every little sound he heard was potentialy me springing my trap. It must have been one of the worst hikes ever for Joe.

I hope you enjoyed the story. There will be more stories about Joe in the near future.

Petition To End Petitioners

I am not sure if I have just been gone from California for too long, or if I just never realized that this was going on, but every time I go to Wal-Mart, the grocery store, or the dollar store I have encountered at least one person petitioning me to save the endangered South American dung beetle (I am being sarcastic, I am not sure if the South American Dung Beetle is endangered or even if there is such a creature) or to protect the people's right to get stoned. All I want to do is go to the store, buy the items I need, and go home. Is that too much to ask for? In California, apparently it is.

One important lesson I have learned is that avoiding eye contact with someone is a simple ay of saying, "I don't want to interact with you." On my way out of the Wal-Mart I realized that there were petitioners outside. Before the automated doors opened I decided that I would deter them by avoiding eye contact and taking the long way around a pillar. I went around the large pillar in the hope that it would hide me from the evil petitioner. I apparently was not as slick as I thought I was. Before I even made my way around the pillar the petitioner yelled, "Hey, guy in the green shirt!" "Dangit!" I thought to myself because I was wearing a green shirt. I said, "No!" He asked, "Do you want to save the tigers that live in the jungle?" "No!" I responded. I felt a little bad. I really would like to save the tigers that live in the jungle, but I did not want to talk to this petitioner. Undeterred by my one word responses, or the fact that I had not made eye contact with him, this little bastard says, "C'mon, I want to sign you up for Greenpeace." Can you guess what I said to him? "No!"

I am not sure why this guy in particular irritated me so much, but I made it to my car and I thought to myself, "I wish I could stopt these guys from petitioning people." Then it dawned on me, I could start a petition to stop the petitioners! Genius! I have it all thought out. As people are walking out of their favorite retail store I would annoyingly approach them and yell, "I am annoying you by asking you to fill out this petition? Then please sign my petition to end petitioners!" I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to sign my petition. The whole situation was more ironic than I am accustomed to and I chuckled as I drove out of the parking lot. Fight fire with fire!

Introduction

Recently a friend of mine started blogging (I know, we are joining late in the game, but better late than never) and it inspired me to follow suit. I am not really sure what this blog will be about, but I hope you will find the posts to be interesting, stimulating and funny.

So, a little about me. I am a scientist at heart, I approach situations with a skeptical mind and try to base my decisions on empirical data. I try to remove as much emotion and sentiment as possible and I strive to be objective. I love science, so hopefully my science posts will be interesting and not too geeky (no promises though). I also love history, current events, the outdoors, animals, and so much more. I hope to provide you eclectic collection of posts, but feel free to comment, make requests, and criticize.Tell me which posts you love, and which you hate.

So what's up with the name "Daily Mugwumpery?" The official definition of a "mugwump" from Merriam-Webster is, "a person who is independent (as in politics) or who remains undecided or neutral." I consider myself a centrist, both politically and practically. This means that my ideas do not necessarily follow standard political ideologies and that in my daily life I try to see things from all perspective. This does not mean that I flip-flop or change ideas constantly. Basically, it means that I am not a cookie-cutter person who is easily classified. I was introduced to the word "mugwump" by my lovely wife. She said she had a word she wanted to share with me and I could not believe that it was a real word. When I heard the word i though, "that's an awesome word, I gotta put it in my pocket so I can use it later." Unfortunately I never had the chance to use it conversation (that was probably for the best) but when I needed a name for my blog, I knew this was my chance. Voila, it is the name of my blog.

Since there is nothing easier to find than sins among humans, it is almost guaranteed I will offend someone, or voice an idea that you do not agree with. This is great! I welcome new ideas as long as they are honest and well thought out. I put a lot of time into my thoughts, but there must be opinions I have not heard and I welcome them. I just request that we be prepared for the inevitable situation where we must, "agree to disagree." Given an objective and logical argument, I will support an idea even if I was initially opposed to it.