Petition To End Petitioners

I am not sure if I have just been gone from California for too long, or if I just never realized that this was going on, but every time I go to Wal-Mart, the grocery store, or the dollar store I have encountered at least one person petitioning me to save the endangered South American dung beetle (I am being sarcastic, I am not sure if the South American Dung Beetle is endangered or even if there is such a creature) or to protect the people's right to get stoned. All I want to do is go to the store, buy the items I need, and go home. Is that too much to ask for? In California, apparently it is.

One important lesson I have learned is that avoiding eye contact with someone is a simple ay of saying, "I don't want to interact with you." On my way out of the Wal-Mart I realized that there were petitioners outside. Before the automated doors opened I decided that I would deter them by avoiding eye contact and taking the long way around a pillar. I went around the large pillar in the hope that it would hide me from the evil petitioner. I apparently was not as slick as I thought I was. Before I even made my way around the pillar the petitioner yelled, "Hey, guy in the green shirt!" "Dangit!" I thought to myself because I was wearing a green shirt. I said, "No!" He asked, "Do you want to save the tigers that live in the jungle?" "No!" I responded. I felt a little bad. I really would like to save the tigers that live in the jungle, but I did not want to talk to this petitioner. Undeterred by my one word responses, or the fact that I had not made eye contact with him, this little bastard says, "C'mon, I want to sign you up for Greenpeace." Can you guess what I said to him? "No!"

I am not sure why this guy in particular irritated me so much, but I made it to my car and I thought to myself, "I wish I could stopt these guys from petitioning people." Then it dawned on me, I could start a petition to stop the petitioners! Genius! I have it all thought out. As people are walking out of their favorite retail store I would annoyingly approach them and yell, "I am annoying you by asking you to fill out this petition? Then please sign my petition to end petitioners!" I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to sign my petition. The whole situation was more ironic than I am accustomed to and I chuckled as I drove out of the parking lot. Fight fire with fire!